6 kisses that didn't matter and the one that changed everything
by liadone
Summary: Alex is 11 when he gets his first kiss. To be completely honest he does not remember a lot about it. Or Alexander is 17, and for the first time in his life, he feels like he is just where he belongs.


Alex is 11 when he gets his first kiss. To be completely honest he does not remember a lot about it, except that it was at school, his friends were laughing at him, the girl's friends were laughing at her, and they were both blushing and utterly embarrassed. It happens during the lunch break, just before the bell signaling the afternoon's first period rang, and it's over almost before it starts. Afterward, Alex really does not understand why the bigger kids make such a big deal out of it. Kissing is weird.

When he is 12 years old, Alex kisses a boy for the first time. It's not that different from kissing a girl, except that it happens in the locker room and no one else is around. He does not really know why he did it, but Sam's eyes were soft, and his lips were pink, and he smelled good even after PE, and it kinda seemed like the thing to do. When Alex presses his lips against his, the boy flushes from head to toe and runs out of the room. Things are a bit awkward for a few days, but Sam pretends like nothing happened, and so does Alex.

Alex is 13, and he is starting to see the appeal of kissing. Lucy's best friend, Namia, told him that Lucy wanted to know if he would agree to walk her home after school. Lucy is nice, and Alex always does his homework way ahead of time, so he's not busy. He agrees. It becomes a habit. After a few day they start holding hands. It's nice. Kinda warm. Lucy is very pretty, even if she has a tendency to keep her face down or her hair over her eyes. She's shy like that. Alex thinks it's cute. So after a few weeks he decides to go for it and kisses her. It feels kinda warm too. After that he kisses her as often as he can.

The last time Alex kisses Lucy, it's on a wednesday. It is starting to rain, and Lucy is worried because the adults are speaking about a hurricane in hushed, nervous whispers when they think the kids are not paying attention. Alex hugs her, tells her everything will be fine, and tries to kiss the dark clouds away from her mind. The wind picks up that night. When everything calms down enough to get out of his shelter almost a week later, Alex looks with horror at what little is left of the town he grew up in.  
The school is devastated.  
So are most of the houses.  
So is Lucy's home.  
Someone tells him the whole family died that first night when the big trees surrounding the house crashed through the roof.  
Alex is 14. He is an orphan. He leaves the island the next month and never comes back.

It's his first party and Alex is a bit nervous. He is 15 and he does not know if it's weird that he's never played spin the bottle. He never really had a group of friends before,  
at least never long enough for it to really matter. This year tho things are beginning to change. He has been with the Washingtons for a few months now, and even if he tries not to get his hopes up for nothing, they seem to be genuinely interested in his well being. They have a son, Gil ( _just call me Lafayette, everyone does_ ), who may be the most determined person Alex has ever met. The boys became fast friends, almost right on sight. So when he spins the bottle and it lands on Gil, Alex is relieved. Really.  
And if a small part of him wonders what would have happened if the bottle had stopped when it was pointing on Gil's friend John, the freckled boy with warm eyes seated to his left, well, it doesn't matter.

Alex is 16. He is still living with the Washingtons. He has straight As in class, he is captain of the debate team, and writes for the school paper every other day.  
He has wonderful friends: his almost brother Gil, Hercules, who would be intimidating if he was not such a big teddy bear, Angelica, who is probably the smartest person in the world. She also happens to be the one who introduced Alex to her sister, Eliza. Eliza is the nicest, warmest, most caring girl on earth. They have been dating for a few months, and everything is wonderful.  
And there's John, who is Alex's best friend, or maybe his soulmate. John, who is passionate, and loud, and funny, and as full of life as his face is full of freckles. Sometimes just thinking about John takes Alex's breath away, so most of the time he tries really hard not to think of the way John looks at him, or just about the way John looks, or what it would feel like to... He just enjoys every moment they spend together. There's a lot of them.  
Everything is going so fine, and then everything goes to shit because Alex is an asshole, and stupid, and a stupid asshole, and when Maria hits on him at a party one night, he kisses her, even though he knows it will break Eliza's heart. Things suck for a while after that, but eventually his friends forgive him. He doesn't deserve any of them, but he is unbelievably grateful for each and everyone of these people.

It happens on a summer night.  
Alex and John are laying on their back on a deserted beach. They are looking at the sky, there is supposed to be a rain of falling stars and they do not want to miss it.  
John had been distant for a while after the whole Maria debacle. Alex does not know why, (in fact he has made very sure not to wonder why) but next to Eliza, John was the one who seemed the most pissed at Alex. Or hurt, maybe. But thankfully, after long weeks of silence and cold shoulder, John accepted to spend tonight with Alex, and he even smiled at him a few times.  
Things seem to be getting back in place in their group of friends. Gil and Hercules are joking with him again and even Angelica doesn't try to slap him anymore everytime they see each other... Eliza broke up with Alex, but they are starting to be friends again, and somehow Alex thinks they are better this way.

This is what he is trying to explain to John: how he loves Eliza with all his heart, but he is not quite sure he was really in love with her. How he does not think he would have cheated on her so easily if he was. Afterall, he's quite certain he could never have cheated on John, and they aren't even together, so surely what he feels for Eliza is not the same as what she felt for him.  
It takes Alex a moment to realise he said that last bit aloud. John is staring at him with wide eyes, and the silence around them is deafening. Then John is so close that Alex thinks maybe he could count the freckles on his face, but said perfect face keeps getting closer, and then...  
Then John is kissing him, and the world stops spinning, turns upside down, and restarts, and Alex thinks, _oh_.  
Alex thinks, _of course_. Alex thinks, _I am in love with this boy_ , _I've been in love with this wonderful boy for so long I never even realised, I'll be in love with John Laurens till the day I die, because I have no interest in living in a world where my heart does not belong to that perfect, beautiful, amazing boy_.  
Alex thinks of the boy in the locker room and the girl who hid her face behind her hair.  
Alex thinks of a hurricane, and of a ship, of his mom, and of the Washingtons.  
Alexander is 17, and for the first time in his life, he feels like he is just where he belongs.


End file.
